How to Crush Buzz Lightyear

...or at least how to max out your score on Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin at Disneyworld. There are several benefits to crushing this game:

You won't have to worry about your they outscoringyou (anymore),

The universe will be safe from the evil Zurg, an

They in the little spaceships behind you will point at your score panel and beg their fathers to tell them the secret, which they don't know. Advantage: you.

OK, here's the technique, which was working as of one week prior to the date of this post:

Just like Benjamin Martin killing all those evil limey bastards who dragged off his son Gabriel, aim small, shoot small. Despite the fact that you'll score *some* points if you hit anywhere on the Z targets, you want to score *all* the points and make the other they cry, so you need to shoot the exact center of the targets, where you can see a black dot about the size of a quarter, which is actually the light receptor that registers your laser hits. If you pay attention, you can see exactly where you're hitting, because your laser makes a red dot just like that pointer you use to annoy the guy from HR when he makes presentations. If you hit the targets dead center, you get more points.

Now that you're shooting dead center on the targets, you need to be shooting at the right targets. Most of the targets aren't worth crap. Shoot the following:

In the first room with the big orange robot, wait until you're past him and then turn around and repeatedly shoot the target on the outside of his left arm. 25,000 per dead center hit.

In the big mayhem room with the volcano in back, shoot the target at the top of the volcano. 25,000 per hit, maybe more.

Shoot whatever you want in the battery room, but as you're coming out of it, get ready because the target at the bottom of the big Zurg in the next room (below the meter that says "PATHETIC") is worth 100,000 per dead center hit. You can't shoot it when you're right in front of it, so you have to get it at an angle as you enter and exit the room. You can max out your score (999,999) just on this target if you get good shots at it. Then you just lean back so all the himdies behind you can see your score panel and are optimally demoralized for the rest of the ride.

If you don't max out on the Zurg room, you've got one more chance to run up your score. Immediately after the pitch black tunnel, you'll come into a room where Zurg's spaceship is projected onto the wall. Try to ignore the projection. About three feet to the left of the door you're headed for at the end of the room, approximately at the same height as the top of the door, is a laser receptor. If you concentrate, you can spot it almost immediately upon emerging from the tunnel. 25,000 per hit, but it's tiny...smaller than the Z targets in the other rooms...maybe the size of a dime.

Just hold down the firing button. Your gun will shoot as fast as it can, and you won't screw up your aim with a lot of unneeded movement.

Don't let him drive.

OK, now go to Disney and make some him cry.